Monday, April 27, 2009

Hello, All.

I will never forget this weekend.

It was a beautiful Friday--the sky was blue without a single cloud. It was a perfect day to take a nice long drive. I can't remember the last time I felt that excited about taking a road trip. Things were going so well until we hit Valdosta and my "check engine" light came on. We didn't know what to do...I was calling Hoonie, Christy was calling Dan, Janice was checking under the hood, and Heeyon was reading in the manual. Then we stopped everything and just prayed. "Lord, you have brought us this far, please see us the rest of the way to Jacksonville. We put our trust in You, Lord. We know you are taking care of us, so please guide us there."

We got into Jacksonville at 7:00 p.m. safe and sound. Praise the Lord!

How can I describe how it felt to see TJ that night? She stood in her driveway with her arms open wide, smiling and so happy to see us. You would never know she is battling cancer looking at her. She looks the same as she as always has...beautiful.

We hugged a lot, laughed a lot and took lots of pictures. (Heeyon will be sending out pictures of our weekend soon, so be on the lookout.) We had a wonderful dinner that her mom prepared for us and then we set off for the beach. TJ's friend, Nancy, who's been taking care of her was gracious to offer her beach house to us for the weekend. She is truly an angel and we were so grateful to be able to thank her in person for all that she is doing for TJ. She is an amazing provision from God!

I think the most memorable part of the weekend happened on Sunday morning. We decided that we would stay at the beach and have worship together just the five of us. We went around and shared our favorite Scripture passage, and then we prayed for TJ. We surrounded her with our loving hands and prayed for her, for Kwang, for Matthew, for Hannah, and for her parents. How do you describe the encounter with God that happens when Christians pray together? The Lord blessed us richly in that precious time of prayer. We did not want to leave...

When we got in the car to head back to Atlanta, I was hoping the "check engine" light would be off, but it was still on. Once again, we had to trust that the Lord would see us home. Who else could we depend on?

We were tired on our way back, but our time in the car was filled with wonderful talks about the weekend, about TJ, and mostly about how Jesus is so clearly seen in TJ. Physically, she is worn down, but spiritually, she is at peace and standing firm.

If I had to sum up the weekend in one phrase, it would be this: "In Christ Alone"

Over and over again, we had many reminders of trusting in Christ alone. Even until the end of our trip. Would you believe that as soon as I dropped off the ladies, the "check engine" light in the car turned off on its own? Wow! I know there's no Scripture reference for what happened, but I am sure that it was God reminding us throughout our weekend to trust in Him.

Sorry for the long email, but there was so much to tell. Thank you for your prayers for us, for TJ, and for her family. Please continue to pray for TJ. She begins her next chemo treatment tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. It will last approximately 3 hours. Please pray for specifically from 9:00--12:00. Pray that this chemo will be effective in ridding her body of the cancer. Pray for limited side effects. Pray that her lungs will get stronger. Pray for Kwang, Matthew, Hannah, her parents, and Nancy.

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." Psalm 61:1-3

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is the rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:5-8


Susan Lee (Open Door Community Church in Alpharetta, GA)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Tumor marker results

Dear Family and Friends:

Today, I am having enormously difficult time updating TJ’s medical conditions because it saddens me to inform you that TJ’s current chemotherapy treatment is not effective; we recently discovered additional cancer cells are in her body.

TJ gets blood works done on the day of each treatment. One of the blood results - tumor marker - was ordered without the doctor’s consent. No one knows who requested it but tests were performed. When her doctors carefully reviewed the tumor marker results – which show if cancer cells are present - the levels have substantially increased. Therefore, instead of waiting until the first week of May (as planned), doctors quickly scheduled TJ to get PET and CT scans. To our dismay, the scan results displayed my biggest concern and confirmed our biggest worries – the cancer cells have grown and spread into other Pleura areas. The doctors have stopped the current chemo regiment and started re-evaluating different chemo options for TJ. Without our loving God’s intervention, we would not have known about the ineffectiveness of this particular chemotherapy treatment: TJ will be back on a new chemo treatment on Tuesday of April 28th, 2009.

I have shared with some of you how greatly distressed and distraught by this news and questioned, asked and prayed many nights to God. I am with a full of anguish one moment and a full of despair another. It is so frustrating why these treatments are not efffective, while other patients are seen better results. It is incomprehensible after so many surgeries and treatments that the cancer cells are not only surviving but also multiplying, even during the treatments. It is inconceivable in my mind after all of these trials and tribulations TJ had to go through, she is still experiencing immense pain and suffering. I have begun asking questions: where are you God? are you there? can you hear us? I do not doubt my faith in Christ and in His all good and powerful sovereignty. But, as a sinner, as a husband, and as a father, I do wonder today – more often than not – the purpose of all this.

Soon after TJ met with her doctors about this recurrence, she told me she didn’t cry or was scared because she heard God telling her “Trust Me.” Instantaneously, TJ felt peace and comfort, knowing that our good and powerful God is with her. When TJ told me about this, I broke into silent tears - I couldn’t bear to hear it. Although we’ve been on this road for over two and half years, I wasn’t ready to hear such a statement. While TJ was standing firm on a solid, faithful ground, I felt my ground is crumbling beneath me. While TJ was proclaiming the goodness of God, I quivered like a lost soul. While TJ accepted God’s providence, I questioned His sovereignty. TJ told me she is concerned but not worried: I am very concerned and extremely worried. Oh God help me! I am so lost without her… How about our children? Tears trickle into uncontrollable gushing whenever I think of Matthew and Hannah asking for their mommy. Please God, I bow down and plead for your mercy and grace. Help me to stand firm in your Word and accept…. I ask all of you, please continually pray for His deliverance from her cancer and that her faith would stay firm in Him. Also, pray for me that I can be a better husband to TJ and a better father to our covenant children. Most importantly, I will be a faithful servant in Christ.

I have been in Rio, Brazil for nearly two months since TJ’s last surgery/treatment and realized I can’t be here anymore; not being there for her and the children is too difficult. Also, being 7000 miles apart surely doesn’t help, so my Brazil tour will end as soon as I get the necessary approvals from DC. My hope is to return home in early May.

I thank you again for your continued prayers for TJ and appreciate all your support in so many ways. TJ and I earnestly and endlessly pray that through it all, God’s name will be glorified and that people will come to know our personal Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

God Bless you!
Kwang