Tumor marker results

Dear Family and Friends:

Today, I am having enormously difficult time updating TJ’s medical conditions because it saddens me to inform you that TJ’s current chemotherapy treatment is not effective; we recently discovered additional cancer cells are in her body.

TJ gets blood works done on the day of each treatment. One of the blood results - tumor marker - was ordered without the doctor’s consent. No one knows who requested it but tests were performed. When her doctors carefully reviewed the tumor marker results – which show if cancer cells are present - the levels have substantially increased. Therefore, instead of waiting until the first week of May (as planned), doctors quickly scheduled TJ to get PET and CT scans. To our dismay, the scan results displayed my biggest concern and confirmed our biggest worries – the cancer cells have grown and spread into other Pleura areas. The doctors have stopped the current chemo regiment and started re-evaluating different chemo options for TJ. Without our loving God’s intervention, we would not have known about the ineffectiveness of this particular chemotherapy treatment: TJ will be back on a new chemo treatment on Tuesday of April 28th, 2009.

I have shared with some of you how greatly distressed and distraught by this news and questioned, asked and prayed many nights to God. I am with a full of anguish one moment and a full of despair another. It is so frustrating why these treatments are not efffective, while other patients are seen better results. It is incomprehensible after so many surgeries and treatments that the cancer cells are not only surviving but also multiplying, even during the treatments. It is inconceivable in my mind after all of these trials and tribulations TJ had to go through, she is still experiencing immense pain and suffering. I have begun asking questions: where are you God? are you there? can you hear us? I do not doubt my faith in Christ and in His all good and powerful sovereignty. But, as a sinner, as a husband, and as a father, I do wonder today – more often than not – the purpose of all this.

Soon after TJ met with her doctors about this recurrence, she told me she didn’t cry or was scared because she heard God telling her “Trust Me.” Instantaneously, TJ felt peace and comfort, knowing that our good and powerful God is with her. When TJ told me about this, I broke into silent tears - I couldn’t bear to hear it. Although we’ve been on this road for over two and half years, I wasn’t ready to hear such a statement. While TJ was standing firm on a solid, faithful ground, I felt my ground is crumbling beneath me. While TJ was proclaiming the goodness of God, I quivered like a lost soul. While TJ accepted God’s providence, I questioned His sovereignty. TJ told me she is concerned but not worried: I am very concerned and extremely worried. Oh God help me! I am so lost without her… How about our children? Tears trickle into uncontrollable gushing whenever I think of Matthew and Hannah asking for their mommy. Please God, I bow down and plead for your mercy and grace. Help me to stand firm in your Word and accept…. I ask all of you, please continually pray for His deliverance from her cancer and that her faith would stay firm in Him. Also, pray for me that I can be a better husband to TJ and a better father to our covenant children. Most importantly, I will be a faithful servant in Christ.

I have been in Rio, Brazil for nearly two months since TJ’s last surgery/treatment and realized I can’t be here anymore; not being there for her and the children is too difficult. Also, being 7000 miles apart surely doesn’t help, so my Brazil tour will end as soon as I get the necessary approvals from DC. My hope is to return home in early May.

I thank you again for your continued prayers for TJ and appreciate all your support in so many ways. TJ and I earnestly and endlessly pray that through it all, God’s name will be glorified and that people will come to know our personal Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

God Bless you!
Kwang